wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize