he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize