you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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