I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
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mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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