Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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