By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize