She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
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It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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