I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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