Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sext me about skeletons
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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