Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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