you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize