My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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