Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize