guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
home. puking in laundry basket.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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