xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you mean i was at the winter classic?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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