I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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