I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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