On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize