Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You don't make any sense
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