I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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