Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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