I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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