i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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