you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize