I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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