This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I need moral support for this bender
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize