we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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