I'm sorry my penis didn't work
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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