toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
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I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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