Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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