you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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