Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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