my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize