Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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