This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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