so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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