I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
