so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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