you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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