shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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