my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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