Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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