Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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