I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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