know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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