She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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