could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize