took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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