does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize