I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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