That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize